i am bored. yes. i can't sit at home and do nothing (which encompasses reading 'introduction to law' and summarising my pfp interview) even for a day. i am officially becoming a couch potato.

i despise the fact that i refresh hermes every 5 seconds, desperately awaiting replies, in which my future depends on (well, it isn't as bad as it sounds-i just need to know if i am allowed to do law in my third year-hence, my future, but only for a year)

but when one spends her time surfing the internet by reading zunar's comics (imustcommendhimonhiscreativity), trying to enhance her intellectual reservoir or at least feel like she's attempting to, discovering the link between sociology, anthropology and law, and questioning why she is doing medicine of all subjects in the world, you should take pity on her.

i think i have become more superficial in my learning. the whole process of rote-rehearse-regurgitate definitely isn't aiding my thought process and this has its ramifications-in my terms (though medically inaccurate), non-pathological-course-dependent-frontal lobe atrophy (completely fictitious).

so i hear of the U.S. Supreme Court extending gun rights; right to keep and bear arms for the purpose of self-defence vs. efforts to reduce role of firearms in American life; Chicago shootings and in the UK, Cumbria-and yet i do not seem to challenge this in a way i think i would have before reading medicine. i should have a stand, but i don't-that's probably because the majority in Malaysia aren't too exposed to our own laws and the society hardly has a role to play in changing law, so why care? we do not question the law since we know nothing about it, and we obey it out of a genuine worry about the consequences of disobedience, what not with our friendly, partial press reporting fates of 'criminals'. a habit of obedience, as Austin calls it, with the ever-present threat of sanctions (in which home has an incalculable collection of, repressive much?). punishable for acts we never knew were crimes to begin with.

then you hear of China-Taiwan bilateral ties (finally!) mostly achieved through new laws-all politically and economically-driven. and i still don't question its flaws, neither am i skeptical of this oh-too-samaritan-like facade.

at the end of it all, i narrow it down to just one thing-i have lost my brain doing medicine for 2 years. maybe not the entire brain-i am sure those required for sensory and motor functions are still intact, and one thing for sure, my hippocampus is probably as large as an elephant or perhaps a London taxi driver's. i've just lost the parts that make me different from an automaton.

hmmm. i should blog on asturias. yes, after i'm done with answering 'how one would assess the benefits of complementary medicine', and also after the Jap vs Paraguay match. asian pride.

I am sorry I let my gratitude sleep when perils have past. Thank you for walking through all difficulties alongside me. Your treasures, I am now aware of.

Impermanence

The fact is, you don't know what you want in life. You traverse a never-ending path, uncertain of your future, constantly praying you find your pot of gold. You rejoice when you do, you sulk when you don't. But these feelings do not last. In fact, nothing does.

You regret making certain decisions in life, but you move on and live with the fact that you have. And it is then that you appreciate impermanence because you know this torment is transient and in these situations, you convince yourself that it is. Equipped with this, you tread on, aware that at any coordinate of your causeway, every door is open for change. The only question that remains is, do you dare walk through it? To the question of your life, you are the answer, and to the problems, you are the solution.

I digress. Anyway, CARIF has been great thus far: mind-numbing work, but lovely people!

Hello, Again!

My first post since I've been at the UK. I'm almost done with my first year. Hmmm..have lost all ability of creative writing (if I had any to begin with). Medicine kills brain cells. It's so glaringly obvious-I can't write more than 5 sentences.

Almost done with exams! Woohoo-let's hope I don't need to re-sit for any 2nd MB papers *prays hard* Can't wait for Iceland! When I'm officially done with first year, and when I have nothing better to do with my life spending one month at Perth (in solitude), I shall write up on all that has happened the past academic year.

Bon Voyage!

I still remember being envious of seniors leaving college a year back, about how they could finally leave what I used to call a hoosegow. However, one year later, I find myself feeling nostalgic at the thought of leaving the country. I actually miss college! (yes, even I can't believe I'm saying this!) I miss that secret ingredient of togetherness we shared when we were thrown into oblivion in that oil palm plantation. In that 2-year period, I discovered and learnt aspects of mankind; the fact that this world does not revolve around just me and that I just can't have everything the way I want it, the brutality of those judgmental and that no one can be trusted. But also, I realised the world isn't as bad as many believe it to be. I used to think everyone was like me-individualistic, self-centered and denigrative. Pretty much the 'I don't care what happens to the rest of the world, as long as I survive-survive well that is' attitude. Thus, at the beginning, I despised the collectivisitic methods of college, its dogmatism and the egocentric behaviour of the administrators. But it was from the teamwork necessary in almost every activity we engaged in (except our assignments of course!) that I saw the goodness in others.

*sighs* I don't have much time left. So let's skip the emotional heap and adopt systematic presentation. In a nutshell,

(i) Every cloud has a silver lining-why remember the bad and forget the good? As all men and women have both testosterone and estrogen present, both good and bad characteristics are there in all of us to be discovered. As Buddhism encourages one never to denigrate others and aggrandise oneself, learn to believe that it is the goodness we should live on with, and it is that pearl in which we should shine. As I've said before, flush down our egocentric side.
(ii) You are what you believe yourself to be-shove aside your propensity to pay so much attention to what people think of you. This will only hinder your process of self-development. Believe in what YOU want to be, and strive to achieve it regardless of whether or not people think you can. If you like singing, by all means, get yourself on stage and start singing! That's what I did back at college, and tada! It didn't turn out too bad! My maths teacher got me to record the official Maths website song with a very good compatriot of mine!
(iii) Failure is inexistent-You only fail when you stop trying. Never, at any cost, give up. NEVER. Because when even you think you yourself have lost all hope, there's nothing left to get yourself moving once again. You pass everyday hoping that you didn't. Bear in mind that regardless of what position you take in this hierarchal society, YOU HAVE A PURPOSE. Fulfill this purpose. The world depends on it. As Paul Davies stressed in The Goldilocks Enigma, all of us, I repeat, every single one of us, have a special place in the ticking of the Universe.
(iv) Aim for the stars-and..NO, don't think that it's alright even if you did fall. You won't fall to the moon. You fall to the dark, ether (scientifically wrong, just for literary purposes) space and drown in this organic compound. You shouldn't even THINK of failing. Believe in the Law of Attraction itself, because if you don't, practising it would be of no use. Believe it works, if not, the idea of attracting what you desire simply by thinking of it would be baseless. (Note: Apparently, this law of attraction has roots in quantum physics, but on this topic, we shall not elaborate.)
(v) Remember the first 4 under any circumstances. :)

Life is a bed of roses! Life is fair! It has been for me, at least. Many have told me that life isn't as idealistic as I think of it to be. But who cares, I'm the author of my book of life. I decide on what I want and do not want to think. I determine which path I shall traverse. And shall I suffer the consequences of my belief, I'll pull through the aftermaths by upholding my principles.

So, the time has come. Goodbye Malaysia :) *bah, I'll be back in 2 months anyway!*

*sighs*

We, advocates of human rights should all mourn for a country that still chooses to remain in the labyrinth of praetorian bureaucracy.

Free those with conscience and imprison the sycophants!

Mareishia Mareishia

Stalemates are always boring. Pre-departure life is lackluster despite the pressing need to pack. Have been procrastinating from accomplishing the list of basic science terms Cambrijee sent over. Hehe. Have been repeatedly advised to be slightly more apolitical hence my lost of interest in blogging recently.

I guess I misprize the importance of blogs in expressing oneself. Never was the eloquent type to begin with. *sighs* Anyway, it's great to know Teresa Kok's finally released from the 6ft*8ft cell-one can't help but to vividly imagine how claustrophobic that could get! It's worrying to know that RPK still is detained despite health complications.

Ooh! I know I'm outdated, but I just found out that our DAARRRLLIINNGGG 'albatross' baby proposed a Race Relations Act. *yawns* Another act to reinforce the fact that democracy, in Malaysia is but a facade. This isn't solving the problem at its core. We need to stop labeling each other according to race, forget our differences and work on our similarities. That's it! But for the power hungry, bangsa Malaysia is all..balderdash. Playing race-based politics, to them is the best method to ensure their survival, and their 51 (or perhaps more) years of tyranny. My hypothesis is that all Malaysians are at risk of racial riots every 20 years. It's pretty much like how the economy may trip into a recession in the postulated 10-year business cycle. 1969, 1988 and the most recent 2008. May 13th, Operasi Lalang and Malaysian 'squatters'! :D Whenever UMNO finds themselves losing support, they'd stir racial sensitivities.

1988-Political turmoil in UMNO itself brought about Team A and B, subsequently UMNO Baru and Semangat 46. What did the intelligent medical student do then? Ooohh, they never do the dirty work. NEVER. Get the young, naive and delicate creatures to do the filthy job! Senang je..Ah Jeep and Kimchi-san can execute his master plan and he watches at the comfort of his armchair. At least by doing that, he'd be able to secure some extreme voters, no? Hmm..Upon reflection, I just realised that 1969 and 1988 shared one hero. The Dreaded Man. It is a fact that the May 13 incident didn't occur spontaneously. It was a coup d'etat against Tunku Abdul Rahman, and he was well-aware of it. I believe I've stated before that TAR predicted the May 13 massacre on May 10th itself and announced it on radio channels worldwide. But not many believed him. I extracted this statement from one of the books a casually skimmed through:-

"You know Harun was one of those..Harun, Mahathir, Ghazali, Shafie..who were all working with Razak to oust me, to take over my place.."

To forget history is to repeat it. The non-Malays should not be insinuated by racial statements purposely made by politicians to instigate racial riots. Bear in mind that it's all part of Ummm-Nooo's plot to stay in power. Through this, nevertheless, we can almost be certain that it's topsy-turvy in there :P

Remember. Remain cool, calm and composed. We're an educated bunch. We don't fall for their games.