Once again, the typical scenario of this blog being revived over summer term. never really do have enough to say since nothing overly interesting deserves to be mentioned.
With a couple of my friends graduating, our conversations are frequently focused on the major take-home values from our 3 years in Cam, and to be honest, they haven't been overly optimistic. it hurts and annoys me to listen to those statements, especially when it highlights how most of them have, in my opinion, completely missed the point of university life. the sheer competitiveness that slowly reveals itself as they share their thoughts on cam reinforces the necessity to analyse and be wary of friends you make. at the same time, i may be unfair to impose my own principles on them, and expecting them to share similar ideals.
Having gone through an asian education system, some friends remain delusional of their main aims in life, still placing tremendous emphasis on academic brilliance with minimal development of emotional intelligence. A friend of mine claims most of her compatriots have become cynical over the three years, but I opine that as a figment of her imagination ie believing is seeing. To me, that judgment is derived from contemplation of one self, and the awareness that she has in fact succumbed to the viciousness of competition.
I won't deny that Cam shatters one's confidence, acknowledging the fact that most students here probably were very established and successful students in the past, but would now have to settle for brutal mediocrity. It is only natural for them to feel so. I then asked, how much more confident would she be if she were to obtain a first class honours, and she replied with great certainty that it was the only thing she ever hoped for in Cam, thus would give her an overwhelming sense of self-satisfaction. Fair enough, you exaltation. I, on the other hand, feel that these successes are too impermanent to cling on to and rejoice, and that even though each success deserves a pat on the back, serious damage can be done when one basks too long in their glory.
I raise these points for several reasons. One, as a reminder to feel grateful for the fact that I lived through the competition and have become stronger, not exactly in a 'survival of the fittest' manner, but rather as an individual that is mentally and emotionally more ready to face what would be a rougher sea when I graduate. Two, as a motivation to pursue my interests and to gain skills outside of the medical field for it draws in a huge amount of satisfaction when I apply this in my career. More importantly, it pleases me to be ensured that I have achieved (so far) my main target in university, and that is to enjoy what I do, and do what I truly enjoy. It reminds me of a very encouraging (and flattering!) comment my teacher once made about me. She claimed to be surprised that I remained optimistic and enthusiastic in a suppressive institution and attributed that to my ability to value the positive and learn from the negative, to my ability to find the silver lining of every cloud.
I intend to keep things this way. But with an added twist. I am keen to revive that building competitive spirit in me and to see the impact I can make by perfecting the necessary skills as a doctor. The past three years have involved a conscious effort to achieve moderation. I want this to change, on several different levels, that I can easily summarise into passion, direction and perseverance.
I have lived my life the way I intended to the past three years, and I hope to accomplish my resolution for the remaining three years.
